This is a book I have to take time to read. After every chapter I lay it down for a while and try to soak in what it’s arguing. While it’s certainly an ideological argument, a lot of its supporting arguments make me nod my head in agreement. Personally, I’d love to combine environmentalism with social justice. Those two things make me angrier than anything else. But I don’t see how. I don’t know if I’ve constructed barriers or if they just happen, but I have fairly little contact with people of color. I don’t know how to get involved with either types of organizations, environmentalism or social justice. It makes me sad.

And yet organizations themselves tend to see blind themselves, as Van Jones points out in chapter 4. There are many reasons why I won’t talk to people stopping me in the street, and one big one is that I hate how they just want to pressure you with the problems, things to worry about. Sign up, give them money, and they’ll fix it. They don’t tell you how to fix it. What we can do, etc. Van Jones offers a more inclusive way to work to solve problems: first, figure out the solutions you’re going to represent, and second, include everyone. Don’t look at corporations as enemies. Don’t look at the people working there as enemies. Treat them as potential allies. This resonated deeply with me because I’ve been reading a lot about love-based instead of fear-based thinking, and this solution is definitely love-based rather than fear-based. We spend far too much time being afraid of others, when we could be accepting them as they are and learning from them. Van Jones argues it in different words, but it’s the same philosophy.

I read this book and think about what’s happening now: the great big BP Oil Spill and I feel hopeless. We had all this momentum going for the presidential elections, now we need a new leader to harness it again and get people rallying for themselves. We can’t just let the government take care of anything. As the book argues, the government should be a partner to the ordinary people, not Big Brother or subject to the big corporations that act as if they own it.

As I wrote earlier, however, the arguments in this book require a massive shift from a fear-based society to a love-based society where we work together without fear, blame, guilt, anger of others. I don’t think we can realize such a shift in the next few years. I don’t know how we can realize such a shift without people being aware of how they’re perceiving the world, and I have a feeling that that’s one thing people really aren’t aware of. Personally, I’m trying my best right now just to help others become aware of it — and then go on to the environmentalism and social justice causes…

I disappeared somewhat suddenly at the end of November, overcome with school and feeling. Writing just didn’t seem pleasant then; knitting and going out with friends and finishing the semester Right did. I was still online and chatting almost daily, but my heart certainly wasn’t in my writing.

I suppose Nanowrimo had something to do with that.

Anyway, it’s the new year, there are endless possibilities, good and bad. It’s my birthday month, and my mom said we’ll probably have to celebrate two weekends early, which is this coming weekend. So I’ve been working on my birthday wishlist, and purchasing those things I’d like. My Christmas was great because I got a lot of clothes, which I absolutely needed, but for my birthday I’d like a few more fun things.

After reading Getting through Winter from Hygge House I asked for soy candles to burn in the evenings in my room in Minnesota. Now that I’m in the German house, technically I’m still not allowed to have candles, but no one really cares. I’ve always felt that the heat of candles gives off a cosy glow, and if there’s one thing I really need in Minnesota, it’s cosy.

It is nice to get a break from there, I admit.

In December I made myself a new rule: If I’m feeling cold, I’ll make myself a cup of tea. In reality I didn’t feel that cold that often, but it’s a good way to warm up, drinking a cup of something hot, and something I should remember here, where I don’t need a jacket because if I’m comfortably dressed inside the house it’s enough to go out in.

Anyway, as more and more of my life exists in colder climates I’m trying to catch up by figuring out how to stay cosy… especially on top of mounds and mountains of schoolwork. I’ve been mulling over Becky’s list of things to do to stay cosy. The cat idea is one I employ, willingly or not, while at home with my furball Pepper who doesn’t seem to think of me as a person, just as a lap. I also have a nice blanket I throw over myself when I’m not working on the computer.

See, the problem with staying cosy is that it’s very hard to do while working on your laptop and stressing over schoolwork. But I’ll keep trying.

Writing is a craft that needs to be practiced, and I’m trying to start to get back into it. Hopefully I’ll see more of you in the coming weeks!

Um, wow. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I started out by trying to write a synopsis of what I had experienced last weekend at a panel on development, one that raised many ideas in my regarding the sustainability movement. Then I realized that I felt like I was writing a paper, not a blog entry. You guys don’t want to read my papers (though if you would like to learn about the panel last weekend, I can send you my ten-page paper on it), and I didn’t want to think in academia-ese anymore (another thing you don’t want to read on a blog).

So, I’m back to the basics: The questions asked by Abbie when she put out the blog topic. How do you educate yourself about sustainable living? How do you pass that knowledge on to others? Do you educate your family members and friends? Are you a member of environmental organizations? Do you do volunteer work?

Well, those are good questions in and of themselves, without trying to put a paper into them. (No but really—I was FASCINATED by the idea of imposing vernacular language onto every culture in order to try to make it universal—if you’d like to get an idea of what I’m talking about, please! e-mail me. My e-mail should be in the sidebar somewhere.)

Actually, there’s a lot I don’t know. I keep telling myself to seek out information about various things, but I just don’t. My favorite method of learning is through blogs; and, barring that, through chatty, sympathetic books. When you read dry textbooks all day long, you really don’t want to go read dry articles at 9pm when you’re trying to unwind. So most of my information comes through blogs, and while I’ll be critiquing the rampant use of George Monbiot’s statistics throughout the sustainability blogosphere, I’ll also take a lot of what’s said at face value. (I’m taking a class that preaches to treat all statistics with a critical eye, and reading George Monbiot’s Heat: How to Stop the Planet from Burning in another.)

But here are the things I know a good amount about:

• Buy local. (Sustainable, organic, used. Or don’t buy at all. Of course, there’s also the line at the end of Rebee’s take on buying, You’re allowed to have hobbies! You’re allowed to keep things you use. THANK YOU.)
• Food: local, organic. Also, these foods just taste that much better.
• Plastic: in everything. Try to limit use of it. Try to limit use of disposables.

And I don’t know how but somehow I began to share these ideas with my family. My mom signed up for a food delivery service the other day that’s made up of food from local, organic farms, and delivers it once a week. She’s going to try new local foods and see what she thinks of it. Over the summer we put up an umbrella-style laundry hanger in the back and I hung the laundry there to dry. Yet I’m not entirely sure how I pass what I read onto them. I certainly haven’t passed much on to others at school. But I have made a difference in the way my family goes about their lives. And they’re certain to continue to come up with more ideas and pass it on to others.

So, how DO we educate ourselves about the world and all its complexities? Just through blogs? Newspapers? Wikipedia? The library? There is such a huge world of things to know and sometimes I feel like my brain is too small for it all. Maybe there’s a point in that: we all have to work together to share knowledge and responsibilities, and form one green generation. Who knows?

This morning in my econ class we were given packets of M&Ms to use to understand statistics. That was a serious shocker: I felt like I’d landed back in middle school again, supposedly easily enticed by candy. And yet, as I looked at the packages of M&Ms, I found that the only reason I wanted to eat them was out of habit. I didn’t really want them and I didn’t want to give them away either. The M&Ms are currently wrapped up in a napkin on my desk while I figure out what to do with them. (ooh — I could make cookies?) The same happened with the chocolate yesterday: I ate 2 pieces and then thought, I’m not really enjoying this. So I put it away and probably will only eat it VERY occasionally.

I’m talking about food a lot lately huh? I guess it’s because it’s so important, and I worry about it in the back of my mind probably 95% of the time. Plus I love to eat. ;) I can never turn down green beans, or raspberries, or even potatoes lately. I couldn’t resist the siren song of tater tots at lunch, sigh. (They could have been better.)

Okay, so yesterday I had a case of monomania, as I am wont to do sometimes. Only this time the object of my obsession was my FACE, which hurt and was seeming to explode with acne. I may have mentioned once that I’m sort of kinda taking part in the Green Your Insides challenge without actually declaring that I’m taking part in it. So I’ve been switching my chemical-laden face products for less product and less chemical-laden ones, and my face went crazy yesterday and I went running crying to Melinda for help. Today she’s asking others for suggestions and advice for me. If you go there you can read my comment and if you have any advice to give, I would really appreciate it!!!

I don’t know what was wrong with *yesterday* that my face exploded so badly, but I am trying hard to figure it out. Next on my list is trying a simple glycerin soap. And not using my current shampoo. But I could use any info anyone could give me.

And now, because I spent so much time worrying and fretting and hurting (honestly, one side of my face felt numb for a while… I have no clue what is going on. Why it doesn’t feel so badly anymore. Maybe because I pulled my hair away from my face?) I didn’t get enough schoolwork done. So I am going to spend the rest of the day in intense concentration at my studies. Hopefully. Until tomorrow!

I’ve been trying to reduce my chocolate consumption, and I have to say I’ve done a fantastic job. But I need some now. It’s been that kind of week, and I am weak. So I allowed myself to buy some fantastic dark chocolate to last me a couple of weeks. I also grabbed some quick dinners. I wish they were Annie Chung’s, but the store didn’t have any. So: Great chocolate vs. Not the best quick convenience meals. We all see where my priorities are.

On the flip side, I had local potatoes and carrots for lunch! (Wrote lunsh first. Hmm.) Severely rationed local potatoes and carrots. I think there’s been a potato shortage around here or something. They just won’t give me my potatoes!

Okay, maybe I won’t joke about that. Too scary of a prospect, not having enough food at the college cafeteria. Hopefully they won’t ration it on Eat Local Day next Tuesday!

I could tell you exactly when I had free time today, and what I did with it, and I think I will. I had 4 breaks today of “free time”: one was for breakfast, one for lunch, and one for dinner, and a fourth was 40 minutes long between breakfast and lunch, in which I watched an episode of Voyager and KNIT. That felt so good. The rest of the day, I was going from one place to another, attending class, working intensely on a project, and finally presenting that project (went so well! yay). I haven’t been done with classwork before 10pm the last few days (and on Monday I didn’t finish until 12:30am). So that is where my time has been this week.

There is a really sweet silver lining here: Because everyone in this class must only give this presentation once, I don’t have to worry about it again, especially when everything else is going insane and crazy and busy. So I’m glad it’s over with and I only had to forsake sleep one night this week.

So, in place of another FO post I’m going to announce something else entirely.

I’ve decided to start making a list of really inspiring posts I’ve read in the sidebar, starting with We Do The Best We Can With What We Have. I’m not entirely sure why but it really struck a chord with me. Then today Melinda posted One Connection Leads To Another: How to Start Work on Building Your Community. I’m still not sure how much of an impact this has had on me, but I know that all the support of the environmentalist blog-community has helped me a LOT in gathering the courage to reach out to others, even if I’m not entirely as good about it as these people are. The fact is that I’m taking steps in that direction. And if I could tell you how far I’ve come-!

It kind of gets me down that I can’t, actually. That some things need to be private, simply because others recoil from it. Socially stigmatized.

Wow, I got off track again.

As another aside, I want to point out that Sunbeam Soapbox will be moving within the next five days. I’m not sure yet where or what will happen (will people still find me?? I hope so! I love you guys! fsck, what about all the comments I’ve left on blogs to this address? this was supposed to last at least a year!), but I’m giving you all the heads-up. And if you have any suggestions of “where to move to”, perhaps an idea of a domain name I could buy and where I could host that, it would be SUPER appreciated. Just like the tea suggestions. Thanks, you guys!