As a question for a blog contest, Rebekkah Bowerbird Knits chose to ask everyone a fascinating, but difficult (for me, at least) question: How will you challenge yourself creativity in the next year?
And it seems even, like the right time of the year for a question like this: for many people, because of the school year, the beginning of September feels like a new year (I know I never deal with new year resolutions in January—whatever I want resolved, it normally happens during the school year). And yet, it also seems like Spring should be the time for creative resolutions. The time of new beginnings, after all. But if September feels right, shouldn’t that be right? Yes. (I just need to tell myself that.)
So. It’s time to think up some creative resolutions.
This is something that I have always had a hard time with. When I was little, I wanted to be an artist. Or a writer. Or and artist AND a writer. Those together have been my secret dream for, well, ever. But after, say, seventh grade, I had to harden myself away from that dream, because for some reason I could never be creative enough to have any Ideas. Since denying myself my dreams, and denying that I could have the ability to achieve those dreams, my Ideas have come fewer and fewer between. I used to fill notebooks with little ideas and squiggles, and now I can only stare at them blankly. It got so bad that I can’t even look at those notebooks anymore. They’re too sad.
I’m not really a creative person anymore. Yes, I knit and I’ve tried to sew. But I stick to patterns, to pre-formulated ideas. I don’t make up my own. I’ve restricted myself too much to perfectionism to try that.
And I’ve resigned myself to it, much as I secretly hope to become a famous writer. (okay, I don’t hope for that much. I just want to enjoy writing fiction again. I still highly enjoy writing nonfiction, like blog entries and even newspaper opinion pieces.)
A question about what I want to accomplish creatively in the next year… it’s a good one, for any year, really. Why can’t I take back my creativity, after all? Isn’t it still there, like an unused muscle, waiting for me to use it, just like my real muscles? If I can use my real muscles after years of neglect, why can’t I use my creative one?
But what do I do? I will be in EUROPE for six months of next year. It’s not like I can bring my life with me overseas. What is a portable enough creative endeavor that I can focus on while I’m trying to absorb another culture?
Why do I always give myself excuses instead of things to do?
There are mountains of things I’d like to be able to do. Garden, understand soapmaking, candlemaking, all the uses of beeswax, meditate, yoga, not have an asthma attack after biking two blocks at home. There is a myriad of interesting things for me to stick my nose into. The few things that I will? I don’t know. It seems futile to try anything these days. Yes, I will try biking, exercising, and gardening. But I won’t be able to take all those things with me as I travel all the time. I am afraid of drawing and writing. What if it’s not fun? What if I just can’t do it?
What kind of left-hander am I, that can’t express creativity?
This has become a long post, and one that’s gotten nowhere so far. It’s time for results. I’ve thought about this long enough. I’ve made excuses long enough. I should just pick something. That’s the point of creativity, isn’t it? It goes well with spontaneity, not with long-term planning. So, something spontaneous it will be.
My creative goal for the year: an idea that’s been brewing underneath for a few months now. I’ve thought about putting it into practice with my last two excursions to Europe, but I hadn’t actually done it. This time, maybe I will: I want to take plenty of pictures while I’m in Europe, and when I come back, I want to turn those pictures into a scrapbook. And not a boring one where you just shove the pictures into the albums, but an album I’ve made myself. With a decorated cover and notes and letters and ideas scribbled all over the pages. I want a tangible way to look back and smile at the places I’ve been and the memories I’ve made, and I want it to make me smile at the fact that I can be creative when I put my heart to it.
There. That’s it. It’s out and I never planned on it but now you have to keep me beholden to it. What do you think?
Do it. And if you’re feeling really ambitious, force yourself to simply journal every day while in Europe. Blog it or write it down – you’ll want to remember every moment of your trip.
Just let yourself go and do it, no matter how awful it comes out. I’ve sat down so many times to paint a picture and I’ve either not finished it or it’s come out terribly. But the important thing is trying, I believe, and just getting it down – you can always throw it away and never let anyone else see it or even just never do it again. If it’s not fun, you stop doing it and find something else. I’ll never become a musician, but it’s okay, because I love design – graphic design, printed design, typography, painted design, etc. It moves me and that’s what I love – so that’s what I need to keep doing. You’ve already found creativity in your love for knitting and gardening AND blogging (yes, blogging), so don’t stress too much about how you don’t feel like you’re creative because you’re already creative. So just do what you love and keep at it and if you want to, find other things too.
Excuse my terribly crafted sentences – I need more sleep. I hope my meaning was clear.
Cool! I’ve heard that scrapbooking is addicting (although I don’t scrapbook) but that would be a great way to remember your trip. Also, I would keep a journal – and you could use parts of it in the scrapbook – like the names of places and what you ate at resturants, etc.
Where in Europe are you going?
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