I am becoming out of practice with the practice of writing out my thoughts. I want to tell a story (any story really, except the one that I have to edit 99 pictures and videos for), but I don’t know how to tell any one. I’ve been too busy, or too distracted, or too immersed in who-knows-what that has nothing to do with who I am. It’s just There. The Internet. I’m having a hard time extracting myself from it, even when I want to.
I need a week away from the computer: where I read and knit and listen to the birds sing, feel the sun shine on my face, listen to thunder clap and delight in the lightning. Where I begin, slowly, to write in my journal again, and to pass the time in a more creative manner, a more fulfilling manner. Instead I procrastinate on all my papers that are due in the next two weeks. (O! I have so much to procrastinate on. A ten page paper, two finals. A trip to Krakow and a trip to a wine distillery.) I don’t know how to balance: either I am completely relaxed or completely tense. And I can’t keep tense up very long.
But that’s not what this is about. That was stress, and there is another story today that I would like to bring up. One day, a girl with a blog was looking at other blogs, trying to see what she could see. She wasn’t very good at this magical act called blogging; she didn’t blog on a schedule, nor did she write about very interesting topics. But she was still obsessed with this whole new world, and the fact that it gave her an outlet to write in. When she got going she needed to write, desperately, daily. When she was in a dry spell, she didn’t know what to do with herself.
This girl had a fairly steady, small, loyal group of readers that she enjoyed hearing from, but she wondered what to do to make it bigger, or to really get to know these people. She had always heard of the “blog community” and wondered really, what was that again? Wasn’t a community people who did things for each other? What did she have to contribute? She tried to be a part of the knitters: but she didn’t knit enough. She had tried to be a part of the people her age who made pretty graphic art: but she wasn’t talented enough, nor did she write enough about her private life.
Really, she didn’t know what she was doing. So she looked into her drafts folder, and behold: some links, some pretty things to look at and soak up and wonder how it affects her life. For example, Blogging squared: bloggers blogging about blogging. But saying things that this girl needed to hear, like: We’re all doing our best, and some of us write a few words about it and put it on the internet. Not to be judged, just to share.
Not to be judged. Just to share. How do I share? the girl thought. I am a quiet, private person, who never had many friends. What do I have to give?
Another blogger wrote a bunch of jumbled thoughts, trying to explain blogging to herself and how she sees it. The girl reading tried to understand. She remembered understanding it once, technically, but maybe not in effect. Or maybe there was something about blogs being too “nicey nice”. The girl thought about the knitting blogs she knows. Is that why she doesn’t fit in? Is she uncomfortable with that? Yes, many knitting blogs seem to be rather bleak of individuality, but not all of them. Is that why she doesn’t seem to fit in with them?
Is she going to be shunned for thinking that?
Maybe she needs to have the courage to think it anyway. To break free and be honest: isn’t that what she always was anyway?
Being accepted: the unattainable goal that gets in the way of honesty. Realizing that, the girl shut herself away from her blog for a little while and tried to figure out if she could handle that.
Right on.
Awesome post.
I always try to take at least one little vacation that doesn’t include internet access every year. This summer I think I’ve got two. It’s great to take a break.
Dear One,
You’ve hit on a topic for the ages… How to be ourselves? Not only in blogging, but always. A universal quest, I think. At least I’m _still_ on this quest, and I’m 72! :-)
Take as much time away, as you need. And then, when you come back to this blogging world, you’ll do so, because you really want to.
I’ve been at this blogging thing for years, here and there, hither and yon. I know this “away time need” hits so many of us. In fact, it’s knocking on my door again, right now. Really…
Take a deep breath and listen to yourself and enjoy the blogging holiday. We’ll see you, when the time is right.
Aunt Amelia
Aunt Amelia’s Attic
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Dear you,
Constant output is impossible. Eventually the vessel becomes empty without opportunity to also absorb. Hopefully that comes from real life that a writer is able to soak up. (I don’t mean details of the writers life but of Life that the writer is witness to)
As for knit blogs when I check the length of time the more popular ones have been in operation its generally at least four and often five years and none that I’ve found have been focused exclusively on knitting. The peak of the knitting for them is generally around 2-3 years before things devolve into engagements and weddings and babies and/or design work. My sense is that the community people refer to are little cliques of knitters/bloggers but how you gain access to a clique is no more clear to me on line than it is in real life.
I have thought about all the stuff to which you refer a lot in the year I’ve been blogging. I could go on and on but instead, I’ll wish you a good holiday away from the keyboard! Enjoy!
Yes. I think you should share who you are, because that’s the most original, unique thing you have to give. For me blogging is almost a journey, like here I am and here’s where I was. It’s self-reflection. I like this post a lot–it really makes me think about what I’ve got, and where my blog is going.
I think it comes down to why people blog – if you blog to be part of a clique, or popular, then I think that you post a certain way. I don’t know how to be part of a clique in real life, let alone online! I think taking a break is a good thing – everyone needs to recharge. And I agree – sometimes I think people are much nicer on their blogs than they are in real life (I struggle with this sometimes!)…but my favorite blogs are where I get a sense of the real person. Have a great break!
In the past, I used to blog for people. Now, I am starting to blog more for myself. (But still phrase things such that they will appeal to people.) I guess it’s all about striking a balance between expressing oneself and being aware that there are people out there who read too. (:
Stephanie, balance is such an elusive critter. I hope you find it, along with what draws you to blogging. Being yourself and being honest will yield, in my opinion, a more personally satisfying blog than trying to fit into any particular group, remembering, of course, that what you share will be read. The balance I struggle with sometimes is what to share. Is it boring? Is it too personal? Is it helpful to others? Will it at least give people a chuckle? Will it make them think?
But I also blog for me. I want my voice to be heard in this world and a blog is a good way to do that. What do you want people to hear from you?